I am not one to get inside of the celebrity gossip. I would not be caught dead buying a Star Magazine and I only buy the Cosmos for the sex tips (most of which are more hysterical than usable). However, lately celebrities have been pushing my buttons. I wish someone would let the rest of us citizens know what day the skies split, the sun shined down on the world, and everyone decided that if you have over 500,000 dollars in the bank you are allowed to and are in fact encouraged to break the law, cheat on your wife, drive drunk, and even harass a masseuse (Al Gore)? Because if that is the case, screw saving up for vacation, I have to save up to buy my get out of jail free card! Even better idea, I will become the first "get out of jail free card" broker for the celebrities. Give me a grand and ill make the rape allegations go away.. oh wait we already have those, they're called lawyers.
And for all of you celebrity junkies who will be up in arms that I am hating on your beloved shrines, there are a few things I have to say.
1. I fully understand that crime happens everywhere and if there are more people watching you, you are more likely to get caught. Don't do it in the first place and you wont get caught.
2. I understand that the "stress and pressure" of their "demanding lives" lead them down the wrong path. Get some therapy or take a bubble bath.
3. And I do understand that people can get bored with all of that money. Buy a puppy (but don't fight it).
But the thing I understand the most is that, if someone is looking up to you or watching you all the time *cough cough almost the entire NFL* you shouldn't rape a girl, get caught up in a drug scandal, or even drive with a suspended license. Did you know that in June alone there were 9 NFL related arrests or crime reports and in May there were 11? You may be the biggest and best tackle or receiver in the world. I don't care, don't break the law.
Whether it be Paris Hilton getting a DUI or Lindsey Lohan's mother attempting to steal an ice cream cake, it needs to stop! It is a shame that the morals of our alleged heroes are lower than probably some of the lowest paid, hard working people in America. And what is worse is that most of them believe they are entitled to get away with the bad things they do. I mean common Martha Stewart did you really think that you could hide the paperwork to your insider trading in a perfectly knitted pillow?
For all of us commoners, all we can do is sit back watch the hell that is called Hollywood and hope that the next time we get pulled over for speeding the cop mistakes us for Pamela Anderson or Brad Pitt.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'” -Tommy Cooper
I am not surprised that my first non-introductory blog is on driving as I do it for 120 miles every day in my commute to work. I love my job (in one city) and where I live (in another city) so it was a choice. I don't know how people who either hate their home life or hate their job commute though, I would get so angry. However, I do know one thing, and it is that no one knows how to drive properly, besides myself of course. =}
The Fast Lane. It is for the big boys. If you are not ready to play with the big boys, do not even think of putting on your left blinker. For all the over forty year old men, in their pick up trucks or SUVs, who drive in the fast lane to prove they are manly and may not understand this concept, lets compare it to sports. Let's put it this way, the fast lane is the Major League Baseball of driving. You are only drafted into the Majors as a pitcher if you throw fast and well enough. You should only be driving in the fast lane if you drive fast and well enough. It's that simple.
If you wear a suit M-F and own a squeaky clean huge pick up truck with nothing to haul, simply because you know your wife stole your manhood on your wedding day, that is fine. Just don't slow the rest of us down.
I had similar frustration towards a freshman from James Madison University on Friday afternoon as I rode behind her going 55 miles per hour on a 65 mile per hour road. How did I know she was a freshman you may ask? Well, as I tried so very hard to pass her, I was essentially riding in her back seat as she and her very best gal pal, dressed for the beach, danced to the latest Katy Perry Song. You are in Virginia. You are not a California girl. This is not a laid back driving on the beach kind of road. It is an interstate highway, speed up, move aside, or be prepared to be tailgated. And I don't mean the kind where you get sloppy drunk and eat hot dogs before a football game.
My favorite traffic creator that I have found thus far in my years of driving, was actually spotted yesterday. She is what I like to call the soccus mater, which is Latin for Soccer Mom. I spotted her on the black pavement of interstate 64, creeping along the left hand side in her Ford Freestyle, with sponge bob playing in the back seat. Mini-Vans, especially mini-vans with televisions spark a whole debate of their own. However, this soccus mater held up not just me but 23, yes I counted, 23 other vehicles behind her as she drove perfectly perpendicular with a tractor trailer. When she finally edged up the courage to pass the truck we all sped past her and I am sure more than half of us gave her a look that wouldn't but could kill.
Now do not get me wrong, I have had a reckless ticket and I have cried myself out of way more tickets than cops should allow, so I am far from the perfect driver but I do know that if I am not passing anyone I should move over to the right so people can pass me. It is just the way it works to make traffic move along with ease.
This inability for people to understand the rules of the road will never cease to amaze me as I work my way to and from work. I do know one thing though, even if you are driving a bus that will explode if it goes over 50 miles per hour, and someone is doing 80 behind you wants to pass, you still shouldn't try playing with the big boys.
The Fast Lane. It is for the big boys. If you are not ready to play with the big boys, do not even think of putting on your left blinker. For all the over forty year old men, in their pick up trucks or SUVs, who drive in the fast lane to prove they are manly and may not understand this concept, lets compare it to sports. Let's put it this way, the fast lane is the Major League Baseball of driving. You are only drafted into the Majors as a pitcher if you throw fast and well enough. You should only be driving in the fast lane if you drive fast and well enough. It's that simple.
If you wear a suit M-F and own a squeaky clean huge pick up truck with nothing to haul, simply because you know your wife stole your manhood on your wedding day, that is fine. Just don't slow the rest of us down.
I had similar frustration towards a freshman from James Madison University on Friday afternoon as I rode behind her going 55 miles per hour on a 65 mile per hour road. How did I know she was a freshman you may ask? Well, as I tried so very hard to pass her, I was essentially riding in her back seat as she and her very best gal pal, dressed for the beach, danced to the latest Katy Perry Song. You are in Virginia. You are not a California girl. This is not a laid back driving on the beach kind of road. It is an interstate highway, speed up, move aside, or be prepared to be tailgated. And I don't mean the kind where you get sloppy drunk and eat hot dogs before a football game.
My favorite traffic creator that I have found thus far in my years of driving, was actually spotted yesterday. She is what I like to call the soccus mater, which is Latin for Soccer Mom. I spotted her on the black pavement of interstate 64, creeping along the left hand side in her Ford Freestyle, with sponge bob playing in the back seat. Mini-Vans, especially mini-vans with televisions spark a whole debate of their own. However, this soccus mater held up not just me but 23, yes I counted, 23 other vehicles behind her as she drove perfectly perpendicular with a tractor trailer. When she finally edged up the courage to pass the truck we all sped past her and I am sure more than half of us gave her a look that wouldn't but could kill.
Now do not get me wrong, I have had a reckless ticket and I have cried myself out of way more tickets than cops should allow, so I am far from the perfect driver but I do know that if I am not passing anyone I should move over to the right so people can pass me. It is just the way it works to make traffic move along with ease.
This inability for people to understand the rules of the road will never cease to amaze me as I work my way to and from work. I do know one thing though, even if you are driving a bus that will explode if it goes over 50 miles per hour, and someone is doing 80 behind you wants to pass, you still shouldn't try playing with the big boys.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
"When I was a kid, I had a blog" - Me =)
So, normally I criticize people who have blogs seeing them as people who are unlinked with reality due to the fact that they get online and talk for pages about themselves. I always believed that no one really cared about your life, your thoughts, or your weekend, besides yourself, your family, and maybe your significant other, but even sometimes men are caught not listening. But then I started getting into social networking and the media department at work and it changed my opinion greatly.
At work I am in charge of two blogs, three facebook accounts, four twitter accounts, and an interactive online website regarding the world's public domain patents. To me it sounds like the 12 Days of Social Networking rather than Christmas. And, most days I would rather have 12 pipers piping over uploading my boss's face onto his twitter account. But do not get me wrong, I love my job and my boss's face, I just like Christmas more.
So I started checking out my friends twitters and blogs, like my cousin's and one of my sorority sister's. I just wanted a taste of what they post so I knew what would be good content for blogs and tweets. Now I am guilty as charged with a twitter and blogger account. I am even to the point where I tweeted at The New York Yankee's right fielder Nick Swisher yesterday about his awesome performance on How I Met Your Mother. Sad and pathetic, I know, yet oh so addicting... and I don't mean twitter, I mean Nick Swisher. ;-}
But for real, when did this revolution of social networking come about and why was I apparently a bear in hibernation? Or maybe I was pretending that I had better things to do with my time? This answer I will never know but I do know one thing for sure, I am hooked. And the worst part is, I do not expect people to read my thoughts, opinions, and anything else I deem "blogable" but I am going to write them anyway because why not. When my grand kids have bar-codes embedded in their wrists and flying cars, I can look at them and instead of saying, "When I was a kid, I walked 20 miles to school.", I can say, "When I was a kid, I had a blog!".
At work I am in charge of two blogs, three facebook accounts, four twitter accounts, and an interactive online website regarding the world's public domain patents. To me it sounds like the 12 Days of Social Networking rather than Christmas. And, most days I would rather have 12 pipers piping over uploading my boss's face onto his twitter account. But do not get me wrong, I love my job and my boss's face, I just like Christmas more.
So I started checking out my friends twitters and blogs, like my cousin's and one of my sorority sister's. I just wanted a taste of what they post so I knew what would be good content for blogs and tweets. Now I am guilty as charged with a twitter and blogger account. I am even to the point where I tweeted at The New York Yankee's right fielder Nick Swisher yesterday about his awesome performance on How I Met Your Mother. Sad and pathetic, I know, yet oh so addicting... and I don't mean twitter, I mean Nick Swisher. ;-}
But for real, when did this revolution of social networking come about and why was I apparently a bear in hibernation? Or maybe I was pretending that I had better things to do with my time? This answer I will never know but I do know one thing for sure, I am hooked. And the worst part is, I do not expect people to read my thoughts, opinions, and anything else I deem "blogable" but I am going to write them anyway because why not. When my grand kids have bar-codes embedded in their wrists and flying cars, I can look at them and instead of saying, "When I was a kid, I walked 20 miles to school.", I can say, "When I was a kid, I had a blog!".
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